(from a long list of unsent correspondence from earlier this year)
The fear that takes hold most firmly is not the fear of something bad happening (nor is it of heartbreak). We’ve all fallen into the ditch at times, and with help, with love, with determination have found our way back up out of it. The knowledge of how to do that again is banked in the mind – though no one really wants to go through the experience of falling into the ditch, even when one knows that there is a way back out.
No, the fear that is taking hold most firmly is of something good happening. Of something so good happening that it forces reflection, re-prioritization, human growth, that it forces change. (and the subsequent fear of “Oh, shit – I don’t know if I can handle more change…”). The fear that life might no longer let one retreat back into safe spaces and established (if not entirely fulfilling) identities, because: growth.
The fear of something wonderful happening is infinitely more challenging.